Cluttered

Silence. Needed when it gets too chaotic in the head. And then again, the stillness starts making you feel empty. Like you have no one and there is no purpose to your existence. So there you go again, after all that struggle to shut the frenzy around you, in search of little noises. Just so you can fill in the bareness and that eerie feeling of futility.

You ask, “What have I done so far?”, ” Was it all worth it?” , “What have I achieved?”. “I know I have worked hard, so why haven’t I tasted the sweet fruit of success yet then?”.

It’s so exhausting seeking approval. Approval from yourself that you are doing the right thing. The constant questioning of your capabilities. Forgiving yourself for your past mistakes and moving on. Overcoming the fear of future that is so uncertain, even scarier when you know of the changes that are yet to take place that are most likely going to be unpleasant.

Turning around, seeking help. A company to share the discomfort with. But then, who is to say? Who is to know who to trust? Who is to guide you and who is to not judge, but love you for who you are and who is to understand the ache? No one, but the very entity who sits down and thinks this to itself.

So cluttered and chaotic everywhere you look around

They said it will be viable. But all that there is, is this giant mirror container with it’s lid on with nowhere to escape. So beautiful and colorful inside, like a kaleidoscope. Although, who would want to live in that beautiful, creative mess? you would swirl so uncomfortably every time someone plays with it. UGH! You need it to cease moving so you can rest your head against the glass piece in stillness for once, but oh the restless mind and hand that never is happy seeing the container in one place. Right this moment it’s on the table, the other it’s on the top of this rustic, dusty wooden shelf. “Just leave it be would you?”. You scream. And guess who heard that? You and no one else.

It’s so cluttered everywhere you look around. Yet, it’s perhaps possible to find the solace you have been in search for, if you can somehow cut through the bedlam and look nowhere else but within. 

Hush, hush!

I know it’s always easier said than done, nevertheless, I am certain it will all be all right.

Love,

Smita



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